2. Day 2: “21 Fear Salute”
When I asked depression what do you feel like these are the fears that poured forth. Depression is quite dense, thick and airless. It is heavy, full and empty at the same time, and nebulous. The list of fears below is what came to me in the middle of the night and I wrote them down on my phone so I didn’t have to disturb my husband and the dogs out in the part of the house where my notebook was. 21 Fears of Depression Closed thought system Closed questions Unwillingness Fear of the bigger picture Fear of Vastness Fear of Truth Fear of asking for help Fear of not being heard Fear...
Read More2. Day 1: Hello Depression
I wondered how it would happen. At 4:37am I woke up and KNEW my next epic fear. It is DEPRESSION. For the first time this pall, this cloud, this vortex of thought and despair did not make my heart go cold and my head go numb. It had already happened the day before when a dear friend eked out: “Everything is difficult; I don’t want to do anything; everything seems heavy; I don’t see the point any way; I didn’t want to tell you because I like to share happy things.” I thought to myself later: OH NO!!!! Not again! (several of my nearest and dearest have experienced the spectrum of...
Read More1. Day 1: A Twelvemonth of Self Love
Getting Started. I have been guided to write and experience 12 months of extending love to my deepest fears, my nemeses in fact. The ones I really don’t want to look at unless forced (usually at the hands of the unexpected or an emergency). These are my thoughts I am aware of at the moment: Why wouldn’t I want to do this? What is this feeling I’m feeling right now? Doomed to failure. Flash in the pan. No stick-to-it-iveness. Lazy. It’s hard and not worth the effort. I don’t have to. I don’t know how. A commitment to work traps you (& those around you). Could love really make a...
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