I Am No Fool (& neither are YOU)

It is April Fools Day and I want to declare in front of God and everybody that I am Eva and I am a FOOL for LOVE! (“Hi Eva!!” I hear my AA friends murmuring from the audience). I have not posted here for many months, which of course does not mean I haven’t been writing, extending love to my thoughts, life, schedule, and strengthening my own health. I was reminded via Facebook’s “On This Day” that today marks my third Bloggaversary of Twelvemonth of Self Love. I read my one-year Bloggaversary post and am reminded what a big deal it was for me to embark upon my Twelvemonth of extending love to my fears (one a month for twelve months) and blogging about my experience. It was a Daniel in the lion’s den, David & Goliath, deer in the headlights showdown of Love and fear. (Spoiler alert!! Love wins). My two-year Bloggaversary reminds me how I was deepening into the daily practice and trust of Self Love even as I imagined, asked for and celebrated Love as both my operating system and creation tool.

Now, today, I remember and honor the beginning of my self guided tour of my deepest heart, which started in the only possible place it could with acknowledging the fear that still stood in the way of my experiencing Love’s Presence all the time in my life. I wish I could report that I no longer have disappointments, losses, bad hair days and catastrophic failures now that I have spent these past years extending love like nobody’s business. Truth is, I can’t, and honestly I am not sure I even want that any more. I am discovering that my love of peace is my guiding light. I now know that when I don’t feel peace something is not right. Almost always I have forgotten my self in some way. It might be as simple as forgetting I need to eat or sleep or pee or it might be an epic forgetting that leaves me fuming and in self-doubt when I fail to be honest with myself or set a loving boundary.

Another glorious wedding…

Life has marched on and taken me with it. In the past three years we had weddings, college graduations, political drama and Love was present. Seasons came and went, our California drought was broken, I celebrated my five-year Crocker Docent anniversary and Love was present. My aunt (95) and cousin (24) passed away, my best friend was lost, my favorite wisteria died and Love was present. No matter what is happening around me, to me or through me, Love is present. Love brings what is needed to the moment; gentleness, witness, silence or comfort. Love can whip into action, sit quietly on the sidelines praying or stand in the middle of a freeway with palms firmly outstretched saying STOP! Love is not limited to what is accepted or voted on by society, what you and I think or what is happening right this very minute inside your own life. Love has no limits. I think what my walk in Self Love has taught me is that we all know that Love is the answer, the solution, and the truth. What we don’t know exactly is that SELF-LOVE is crucial to the whole. Self-love is the way we put the divine into practice. Our power lies within. Our guidance is within. Our delight is within.

Time to let go…

You might as well just unpack that baggage you are carrying that includes world peace, political correctness and getting your neighbor to quit videoing your coming and goings for legal wrangling. The Divine meets our humanity within. Sure, we get plenty of awakening practice living and working and striving in the world to bring about peace, love, equality and freedom; but these laudable dreams will not, indeed cannot, ever come to fruition until you love your self. When I began my Twelvemonth odyssey I really thought the time would be about that radical self care I kept hearing about which I imagined would include spa days, time off and more lunches out with girlfriends. There were and are spa days and lunches but the greater gift, the deepest treasure, the thing that really blew me away was discovering my own voice, the voice that is fed from within the fountain of my life breath, my Holy Friend.

Extend Love to Your Thoughts

There are times that I want and need my God, my Holy Sprit to be separate from me in order for me to grieve, ask questions and storm about seething at the unfairness of the death of a young man who had the potential to save the world not unlike Jesus. In those times I am glad of my small self and that I can go into my prayer closet and ask and weep and demand and……ultimately……..…..listen. It is in that clear and spacious place of reverent listening, when my dearest Holy Friend speaks that we become One. My self is my Self. The Divine is alive and speaking or acting within me, through me that I may experience life. It is enough. It doesn’t even have to be life with a specific agenda or achievement or pedigree. Life is enough.  Love is enough.  Self-love IS where humanity meets Divinity. It says is right there, self + LOVE. Self Love is heaven on earth, salvation accomplished, joy and peace always present and available.

Go ahead, be Love’s fool. Extend love to your thoughts, your life and your neighbor and go deep within to find that glorious secret of living a full and precious life. Love your self as God loves you. Irrevocably, passionately and with the most tender delight. How might the experience of your own life alter if you allowed yourself to love your own self wholly and completely? Ask yourself this question. I am not kidding, ASK. You will be blown away by the answer. Your answer.