I am beginning to notice a pattern.
Me in fear.
Me in my right mind.
Then deeper still Me in my Holiness (I still call this Holy Spirit because when I begin it still feels a l….o…..n…….g way away from who and where I am).
4am
Me in fear: I feel nervous, excited and stupid (Why am I doing this to myself?)
I fear the focus on fear. (What you focus on multiplies.)
I am afraid of getting obsessive (Who me?). This must be why alcoholics avoid drink.
Am I this way about work/a specific project? Do I obsess and abandon all Self in the ensuing crush of insanity?
Is there something else going on?
Me in right mind (notice this begins after I am willing to ask a question): Thank you for your loving guidance. I can just bask in the qualities of love given and let them do all the heavy lifting.
Even though I wake without fail “on time” I still set an alarm.
Even though I know I keep returning to Love I still set alarms (doubt, uncertainty, obsession) to remind me to awaken to Love.
I don’t need to fear the sleep, the alarm or the waking up process.
All are part of the path.
How can I receive and enjoy these apparently necessary parts of my path?
Me deepening into my Holiness (Holy Spirit) (again the going deeper is often prompted by a question):
HS: Dearest One,
Good morning and greetings my Precious Child. Let us greet this day in peace and tranquility together.
Me, Myself & I
All is well, the beauty abounds within and without.
Notice the comfort, color and ease of the day; the colorful pink, yellow, purple and green blanket; the dog chewing delightedly on his bone; the candle flicker. These gifts both given and received of your self are my gifts too.
There is no goodness in your life that is not an assurance of the Good. And it is all goodness.
When you look without fear and guilt you see as I do:
A beautiful creation teaching itself the truth.
Truth is peace, joy, and comfort.
Not-truth is twinge, pain and closedness.
Only the truth is happening.
Me: So about my daily commitment to extending love to my fear of commitment to work………… (when I am in my Holiness the questions of fear or from my right mind allow a juicy, judgment free dialogue)
HS: Let us look gently at what is really bothering you about a daily commitment to work. (cont. Day 5)
My interest is piqued. Your conversation with Holy Spirit resonates with me. I feel the see-saw movements between the fear and peace, too. It would be so good to really desire only peace…I think…. Maybe I fear that would be boring, or I’d disappear, or something worse?
Thank you for vulnerably sharing this conversation. It is juicy, valuable, and very important!
Thanks for your comments Jill! I think that fear is going to become my friend and helpful cohort rather than be banished. Let’s see together, shall we? Love you!