2. Day 7: A One-sided Conversation
One of the fears of depression I have noticed within myself is that I have no right to feel depressed. This quote I read in a Maisie Dobbs novel expressed the nebulous fear in the background I was feeling but couldn’t express. “The girl’s had the very best, so don’t tell me about despair, Miss Dobbs, that girl’s got no right to despair.”—–Birds of a Feather by Jaquelline Winspear I guess I thought if I continued to ignore it, I would always feel happy. HS: Depression cannot be ignored. It is a calling from within to notice your truth. Me: It has taken me a long time to admit...
Read More2. Day 6: The Power I Am Afraid of Using
Extending love to depression feels very much like extending love to both power-lessness AND needing to extend love to power. This old quote rings in my ears: “All power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely.”—-Lord Acton, British historian Me: So what is the power that depression is afraid of using, claiming and being? HS: The Power of Loving Unconditionally Me: Loving unconditionally does indeed feel a little scary in the light of the recent conversations I’ve had with folks re the ease of carrying a gun in Tennessee, the difficulty of interracial marriage...
Read More2. Day 4: In Cahoots with Good
I learned yesterday that depression comes from power I possess but have not used. What qualities of love are best to extend to powerlessness to increase and balance my awareness of my true power? Holy Spirit: Be willing to sit in stillness and invite power to make itself know to you in a feeling or sensation. It may be a tingling, a sense of spaciousness or a feeling of openness to what is. Powerlessness is a state of fearing power; it is not lack of power. Powerlessness is a state of fearing power; it is not lack of power. As you allow yourself to step quietly and without regret or...
Read More1. Day 30: Go As Far As You Can See
I continue to feel the overwhelm of too many things happening at once. I don’t feel I can be present for all of it. Please help Holy Spirit. HS: Precious One, Be still a moment and feel into your vast, immense, eternal peace. Feel into the perfectness of the unfolding of each event. See the inherent mystery in the evolvement. It is beautiful. See the colors and textures. Hear the sounds of breath and sparkle. Feel the shivers of delight and anticipation running through you. You are always standing on the Eve of Greatness. You are aware of both the moment and the Whole; now and...
Read More1. Day 29: Being Here Now
I continue to feel the tidal pull between business, my spiritual practice of my commitment to extending love to my fears and wanting to be with family. The pull of the actions commitment seems to require is great. It is hard to sit still and meditate or BE in the face of commitment (even if it is a commitment to facing my fear and blogging about it). I must not really understand commitment or what is going on inside me. Please show me the way to peace and joy AND commitment, it must be possible. Thank you. Me: I feel the tidal pull of activities swirling around me and this feels...
Read More1. Day 28: Worthy is the Lamb
Holy Spirit, yesterday felt like a car crash: the speed of business meets the intensity of desire for close family time. In this moment I am bloody annoyed; at commitment, at life, at myself. This thought just in from a brief sojourn in the bathroom (isn’t it always the way): I feel like something is being asked of me that I don’t want to do/give/be. What do I think is expected of me? I feel that it is expected that I be happy, bouncy, cheerful caring……. all the time. HS: Where are you right now? Me: In the living room with tea, water and journal. I am completely comfortable, nothing...
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