2. Day 24: Being With Being Alone
It is a perfect day yet I am weary of depression; of thinking about it and extending love to it. It feels as if I have gotten to take on the mantle of depression for the month, like a character, and write and ask from this space. I am now itching to throw off that cloak of stillness and run barefoot through the grass. I want juicy, vibrant and alive! We now look at the fear of being left behind from the “21 Fear Salute” of depression. This fear of being left behind might actually be a blessing. Is this what gets me moving into action? I can clearly remember the first...
Read More2. Day 19: Nothing But Everything
Behind my fear of the voice of NOT-enough lies the even deeper terror of the abyss of NOTHING. What if there is nothing in my heart–no feeling, no guidance, no inner teacher, no creative impulse, no heart beat? What then? This is the fear to end all fears. “Listen to your heart” is nothing new. We see this used on YouTube videos and Facebook memes and hear this preached from every pulpit of every faith. So why don’t we do it? Listen to our heart. It is because of this very real fear of the heart in the “21 Fear Salute” that depression faces every...
Read More2. Day 14: The Flavors of Love
Just in case anyone is feeling tired of looking fear in the eyes I will let you know I am feeling a bit the same way. I mean, why can’t we just focus on love? I am realizing that is exactly what is happening with my willingness to look at fear. Fear IS just a call for love and looking at it is answering in love. So let’s dive into another fear from the “21 Fear Salute”, shall we? 5. The Fear of Vastness Me: Holy Spirit, “the fear of vastness” seems like the same fear as “fear of the bigger picture”, is it? How can I extend love to...
Read More2. Day 12: The Seat of Suffering
I have noticed that a characteristic of depression, and most suffering actually, is a deep unwillingness. Me: HS, please tell me about this. Why is unwillingness a part of suffering? How can we deal with a powerful deadening sense of unwillingness? HS: Dearest One, Unwillingness is at the seat of suffering. Unwilling to be here now. Unwilling to face this moment. Unwilling to feel pain. Unwilling to open eyes. Unwilling to know Love’s presence. Unwilling to hope. Unwilling to care. Unwilling to experience peace. Unwilling to experience joy. Unwilling to know the truth. Unwilling to...
Read More2. Day 10: I Am Enough
I will continue with the “21 Fear Salute” which acknowledges the cluster of thoughts and fears depression includes and ask Holy Spirit about each one. Me: HS, please help me understand why closed questions are a part of the thoughts of depression? HS: Closed questions keep all focus within easy reach. They keep you from noticing your thoughts, feelings, and your true voice. Me: What is a closed question, an example? 2. Closed questions HS: “Why is this happening?” “What did I do to deserve this?” “Why is everything so hard?” “Why is it never easy?” “What’s the point?” A closed...
Read More2. Day 8: The Great Drawing Within
I had a great experience with depression the other day I keep meaning to write down. I got some very unexpected news, which kind of blindsided me. I noticed I felt a heavy dragging on my chest, it felt a betrayal of sorts. I felt pitiful, lonely, left out and annoyed all at the same time. I just let all of those feelings be ok. I didn’t try to change or fix it. I just extended the quality of love of noticing. After a little while I went out with friends and as happens when sadness or surprise hits, it is softened tremendously by spending time with those you love. Loving someone is a...
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