2. Day 26: No One Understands Me
Yesterday we practiced expanding the size of our seeing to notice when Wrong IS. Today let’s look at when we feel that wrongness in the way we are not being understood by others. Depression’s 21 fears must work very hard at covering over our awareness of Love’s Presence which is why it feels so exhausting. The fear of not being understood (and there’s no point of explaining myself) can be very limiting to your awareness of your own self. 17. Fear of not being understood (there is no point in explaining myself) It is time to extend love to this thought: I...
Read More2. Day 22: Vulnerability & Truth
I am beginning to realize that all these fears in the “21 Fear Salute” of depression are all kind of the same. The fear of truth. We are so afraid that Love is not the truth about us that even though we long for, hope, cross our fingers we still do not feel sure. The next fear which is the fear of being exposed uncovers a broader truth. We actually are afraid LOVE is the truth about us. 13. Fear of being exposed This is deep yet universal. It is what we think vulnerability will feel like; exposed, naked, without excuse. When I feel exposed I feel very uncomfortable...
Read More2. Day 21: How Do You Relate To Your Thoughts?
I am struggling to extend love to depression. It feels like depression is anti-gravity and deflects all attempts at joining or welcome. Perhaps the energy of depression is non-attractive? Is it actually repelling? It feels more like zero gravity or exactly center on the spectrum of gravity. Is this stillness??? This is interesting. Stillness is that quality of love that simply abides quietly. What if we could allow depression as stillness? What a difference in our (my) reaction to depression. After a new baby is born we might experience post-partum stillness. One might be able to...
Read More2. Day 10: I Am Enough
I will continue with the “21 Fear Salute” which acknowledges the cluster of thoughts and fears depression includes and ask Holy Spirit about each one. Me: HS, please help me understand why closed questions are a part of the thoughts of depression? HS: Closed questions keep all focus within easy reach. They keep you from noticing your thoughts, feelings, and your true voice. Me: What is a closed question, an example? 2. Closed questions HS: “Why is this happening?” “What did I do to deserve this?” “Why is everything so hard?” “Why is it never easy?” “What’s the point?” A closed...
Read More2. Day 8: The Great Drawing Within
I had a great experience with depression the other day I keep meaning to write down. I got some very unexpected news, which kind of blindsided me. I noticed I felt a heavy dragging on my chest, it felt a betrayal of sorts. I felt pitiful, lonely, left out and annoyed all at the same time. I just let all of those feelings be ok. I didn’t try to change or fix it. I just extended the quality of love of noticing. After a little while I went out with friends and as happens when sadness or surprise hits, it is softened tremendously by spending time with those you love. Loving someone is a...
Read More2. Day 7: A One-sided Conversation
One of the fears of depression I have noticed within myself is that I have no right to feel depressed. This quote I read in a Maisie Dobbs novel expressed the nebulous fear in the background I was feeling but couldn’t express. “The girl’s had the very best, so don’t tell me about despair, Miss Dobbs, that girl’s got no right to despair.”—–Birds of a Feather by Jaquelline Winspear I guess I thought if I continued to ignore it, I would always feel happy. HS: Depression cannot be ignored. It is a calling from within to notice your truth. Me: It has taken me a long time to admit...
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