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2. Day 27: What I Really, Really Want
“I don’t know what I want.”—how many times have you said this? Perhaps while standing in line at Starbucks, or at the cheese counter in Whole Foods or at the crossroads of your life when opportunity presented itself? Is this true? Do you really not know what you want? Depression and its “21 Fear Salute” guards are quite certain you do NOT know what you want. 18. I don’t know what I really want. Let’s borrow from our dear friend Byron Katie and turn this right around and sit with...
read more2. Day 26: No One Understands Me
Yesterday we practiced expanding the size of our seeing to notice when Wrong IS. Today let’s look at when we feel that wrongness in the way we are not being understood by others. Depression’s 21 fears must work very hard at covering over our awareness of Love’s Presence which is why it feels so exhausting. The fear of not being understood (and there’s no point of explaining myself) can be very limiting to your awareness of your own self. 17. Fear of not being understood (there is no point in explaining...
read more2. Day 25: Fear Of Being Wrong
Let’s just get this one right out in the open for all to see. We are all afraid of being wrong. Because right is, well, RIGHT. Wrong is NOT being right. Wrong is confirmation of being wrong; missing the mark; not being good enough (or fast enough or clever enough). Wrong is the opposite of getting what you thought you wanted. Wrong is losing, forgetting, being late. Wrong is your Mother winning (or your spouse or annoying neighbor). Wrong is missing the boat, the plane or the point. Wrong is not knowing what to do. Wrong is...
read more2. Day 24: Being With Being Alone
It is a perfect day yet I am weary of depression; of thinking about it and extending love to it. It feels as if I have gotten to take on the mantle of depression for the month, like a character, and write and ask from this space. I am now itching to throw off that cloak of stillness and run barefoot through the grass. I want juicy, vibrant and alive! We now look at the fear of being left behind from the “21 Fear Salute” of depression. This fear of being left behind might actually be a blessing. Is this what gets me moving...
read more2. Day 23: Change Is
Does everybody have cancer? You either have it yourself or someone close to you has it. I have a loved one battling today that invisible fear we call cancer. I noticed on Facebook and overheard grocery store and business conversations that so many are fighting this battle, this fear, this irrevocable change. Change in health, in prognosis for the future, in daily life. If we are all connected then why are we doing this to ourselves? We are afraid of change as much as anything. This is a core fear in depression too. Me: How can I be...
read more2. Day 22: Vulnerability & Truth
I am beginning to realize that all these fears in the “21 Fear Salute” of depression are all kind of the same. The fear of truth. We are so afraid that Love is not the truth about us that even though we long for, hope, cross our fingers we still do not feel sure. The next fear which is the fear of being exposed uncovers a broader truth. We actually are afraid LOVE is the truth about us. 13. Fear of being exposed This is deep yet universal. It is what we think vulnerability will feel like; exposed, naked, without excuse....
read more2. Day 21: How Do You Relate To Your Thoughts?
I am struggling to extend love to depression. It feels like depression is anti-gravity and deflects all attempts at joining or welcome. Perhaps the energy of depression is non-attractive? Is it actually repelling? It feels more like zero gravity or exactly center on the spectrum of gravity. Is this stillness??? This is interesting. Stillness is that quality of love that simply abides quietly. What if we could allow depression as stillness? What a difference in our (my) reaction to depression. After a new baby is born we might...
read more2. Day 20: WTF HS?
We are in the middle of a catastrophic health crisis of the most hopeless kind. One of my dear ones, a child really, just starting out in the world is on the other side of a diagnosis that changed everything in an instant. This one graduated from college just days ago. This is the kind of thing that sends me reaching to the back of my mind’s cupboard for a drink of “What’s the point of living any more anyway?” It seems so pointless, frightening, overwhelming and threatening. It is a weird thing to find myself...
read more2. Day 19: Nothing But Everything
Behind my fear of the voice of NOT-enough lies the even deeper terror of the abyss of NOTHING. What if there is nothing in my heart–no feeling, no guidance, no inner teacher, no creative impulse, no heart beat? What then? This is the fear to end all fears. “Listen to your heart” is nothing new. We see this used on YouTube videos and Facebook memes and hear this preached from every pulpit of every faith. So why don’t we do it? Listen to our heart. It is because of this very real fear of the heart in the...
read more2. Day 18: Eternity On A Spoon
Yesterday we looked at the fear of not being heard in the “21 Fear Salute”, today we get to the root of the problem which is the fear of listening. What if we do take the time to listen? What are we going to hear? This is the crux of depression. What if we stop noticing everything else but our own heart? It seems depression conspires to still everything around us, put it on mute for the purpose of listening. But what if I am afraid to even listen? 9. Fear of Listening Me: How do I extend love to the fear of listening?...
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