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3. Day 26: Love Meets Guilt Where It Is
My walk with extending love to guilt this month (in my Twelvemonth project) continues with spending each morning with Holy Spirit; sometimes asking difficult questions, other times just listening. Today, I feel like I am not making any inroads into understanding or lessening guilt. I am not as afraid of the guilt yet I still feel it easily and completely. Me: How can I ween myself from reliance on the framework of guilt? HS: Dearest One, You believe guilt is a giant structure upon which your life is built. Guilt is but a single thought...
read more3. Day 25: Gratitude Is Good For What Ails You
I am feeling low, like I want to stay in bed for a week. The last few weeks have been incredibly hectic with nearly every moment scheduled. Time to extend love. I extend absolution to this thought. Interestingly I feel guilty both for wanting to stay in bed AND for the week being so full. (why do I always do that?). I also feel guilty for the thought of canceling everything (or anything really). Finally I remember to ask. Me: What is it I really need/want to do? HS (gave me this list which will guide me over the next days): bath, water,...
read more3. Day 24: No Room At The Gym
I am beginning to realize that guilt feels bad because it is a contraction rather than an expansion. It is the contraction or constricting that feels bad, not the fact that guilt is the truth about me (which it isn’t). I had a wonderful guilt opportunity the other day when having tea with a friend. We were at Bella Bru, me sipping green tea, my friend sipping Diet Coke when our conversation got around to “We really should take a yoga class together!” We both have memberships at 24 Hr Fitness which is next door so we...
read more3. Day 23: Why Meditate?
The other day I ran across a brilliant answer to “Why meditate?” The answer I give most often is “Because it feels good and returns me to peace and wholeness.”, but the answer below gives the “why” behind my feelings of peace, joy and wholeness. “Meditation is how you can consistently pay attention to what is. This inner feeling, this knowingness, this awareness that begins to arise in you, if consistently paid attention to, will tell you directly all that you need to know. Inside the space of your...
read more3. Day 22: Ask Or Be-little?
I notice that still, in certain circumstances, I make myself less-than or highlight my fear qualities (including, perhaps especially with, guilt) in order to make another feel equal or safe. (Or am I making myself feel safe and equal???) Is this necessary? Is it meeting someone where they are or am I kidding myself? How do I remain true to Love’s Vastness and to my own local self and brother too? HS: Ask. Ask in the moment. Ask in quiet time. Ask your brother. Ask. Ask. Ask. ASK. When you feel this tendency to be-little...
read more3. Day 21: Are You Love-able?
I am beginning to realize I am afraid to let my fears go. What is being revealed is that I see my fears almost as friends (known, protective and comforting). The question is do I really want to let my fears, including guilt, go? I honestly don’t know. I would like to experience a time of utter fearlessness to see. I hate to admit that imagining this is nye impossible, even after so much practice extending love to my fears. I am not as afraid of my fears as I once was but still am not sure letting them go entirely will serve me....
read more3. Day 20: The Day’s Grace
Poetry was one of the first ways I became aware of Holy Spirit’s Voice of Love within me so it is where I return when my day or life becomes overwhelming, momentous or just uber busy. These past two weeks have been one of those times. The haiku below were my quiet time today. The shifting out of mind and into heart makes my brain feel like when you put your hands in flour, soft and vast yet right here. It is hard to explain. I know that the act of writing poetry does something peaceful and meditative and leaves me feeling...
read more3. Day 19: M & M’s and Sunglasses!
We have had the most wonderful time in the last days and weeks celebrating our daughter’s graduation from university. Family and friends gathered in so many ways from so many places. We ate, drank and made merry in all the usual ways. I bought so many groceries that I was given honorary staff status at our local Bel Air and Whole Foods; candles were lit, pina colada’s mixed, laundry run, presents wrapped and even a lightening trip to Ashland, OR and Crater Lake National Park for our out-of-town visitors. We are great hosts....
read more3. Day 18: Over-thinking Guilt Pays Off
Why DO I choose guilt? Seriously. WHY? Guilt is the only way I know of that covers an inequitable situation: 1. the thing I want and need for me & 2. the thing I should want and need for me. It is what I use to cover the seeming disparity between following my own heart and yet seeing myself or a loved one need or expect something different. I guess I feel like I should pay a penalty of sorts for following my own heart/desire rather than what I or God (or a loved one) expects of me, or what should be the best. Me: HS, how else can...
read more3. Day 17: Ready, Willing & Able
What is a practice I can do to let go of my attraction to guilt? How can I express harmlessness to my self? HS: Dearest One, You are doing this right now. Your continued willingness to ask and listen literally is creating pathways of open communication from Divine into current awareness in this visible world you see to be in. You have already begun to notice and be aware of a practice that will allow you to let go of the need for guilt. The practice of harmlessness to your body will bring your awareness alive on a cellular level. Your...
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