10. Day 29: First I Judge
My desire to judge a situation as hurtful-therefore-I-must-fix-this was revealed yesterday. I am seeing today, that the first thing that happens is that I judge a thing as hurtful to someone. I could just stop at “first I judge”, the “what I judge” is much like the “of” as in what am I afraid “of”. It is the fear itself all over again. Judgement is fear. Full stop. I could make a case for “because I am aware of this hurt I am supposed to do something about it”. The thing that eludes me is the fact that I am skipping over all...
Read More10. Day 28: “I Could Fix This”
Recently three separate people from completely different backgrounds have shared some version of a story of a rift in their organization, family or political party. I sense both the feelings of powerlessness and of stubborn refusal to budge from a particular perspective. This feeling of divided-ness, rift or outright civil war is something we can all relate to in some way. Just fill in the blank with your own personal story of betrayal, unfairness or misunderstanding. What I noticed was a sneaky form of judgment that crept into my awareness. In all these cases recently shared I am not...
Read More10. Day 27: The Feeling Formerly Known As Fear
This month with extending love to the fear of fear itself has been really interesting. Firstly, this was January, beginning of a new year and we had just come home from an epic, incredible 7 week trip. I have been in such a different place. It was as if our trip had sort of washed away the need for the “fear of______” story and allowed me to extend loving awareness into the face of fear. I am noticing more quickly when this energy of fear comes. It shuts down even while revving up but it feels different that fear used to feel. It is like the fear itself has colors and...
Read More10. Day 26: Monday, Thy Name Is Ugh
Here is the truth-ish…..I don’t want to be in this moment. Or rather I don’t think I want to be in this moment. It is Monday. The weekend was full, delightful and I need another day of rest. How does Monday roll around so regularly? There is nothing onerous I have to do today, the usual maintenance to business, home and life yet I feel a weary resistance to being right here, right now. I would suggest extending love to Monday and to now but I am feeling too mulish for that. I would consider just being. Though in this moment, it feels like being comes with a price-tag...
Read More10. Day 25: Sacrifice, A Primer
A few days ago, I woke with a start from a dream of being with a dear friend in her car. We were driving along just fine and then I asked a question that so flustered my friend she lost control of the car. When I woke my heart was pounding and I was breathless just as if I had been in this terrifying moment. I could feel death’s longing before it went; that clinging to life, all the while knowing it is time to change forms. Naturally I turned to Holy Spirit for peace and explanation. Me: How am I clinging now to a form of life? What do I not want to let go of? HS: Sacrifice Me:...
Read More