9. Day 4: A Call In The Middle Of The Night

One of the epic fears we all face and dread is the call in the middle of the night.  It is disorienting, shocking, stunning and exhilarating all at the same time.  There is something very galvanizing and clarifying about the call, that has a power all its own.  In the space of a single message two people integral to our lives, hearts and businesses were taken to hospital. The feeling of helplessness, distance, disbelief and shock set alight a string of thoughts, a majestic display of “what if ?” and manic solution, none of which was really needed.  For hours we waited for news, hoping, praying, trusting and not-knowing.  I gave little thought to joy or living joy in these hours.  Peace, trust, willingness and openness was what I sought.  Was this my joy?  My desire and willingness for peace?  This possibility of loss and devastation took our breath away and left us stripped bare.  And we were far from home.  And yet………and yet, home was here.  Home was in the room with us.  God is our home.  It is where we immediately fled with mouths agape and eyes wide open.

Norwich Castle

We nearly created a train wreck of unnecessary activity.  I think because of our desire for peace and to extend love to what was going on was greater than the desire to extend the panic we were feeling we heard that whisper from within: Do nothing.  Go back to sleep.  Trust me.  All is well.  Even though it felt the opposite of well, it really was all we could do.  After prayer and placing the situations squarely in the middle of the God of our joined heart we fell asleep.  In the morning were meetings, conversations, sausages and eggs and lots of English Breakfast tea.  All the while in the back of our minds was this question:  “Will they be ok?”  “Please, Please PLEASE Thy gracious Will be done.”

It seemed most appropriate to visit a castle today, a dark and solid fortress of old.  It was surprisingly comforting.  The slit windows allowed limited view but also gave the experience of protection and care.  It is what we needed today. Late in the day better news reached us and the intense waiting relaxed instantly into a wave of gratitude. The tide of panic had passed through and we were unharmed.  Several displays of the shockwave of energy were still playing out in the form rainwater leaking copiously into the office back at home, the temporary loss of a crucial website and my head cold flaring up again.

The road of holy love.

Yet we are here, whole, present and truly giving thanks for the whole episode.  To realize, again, how dear and precious those around you are is worth the tidal wave of panic that was unleashed.  I am convinced it was our true desire for peace and joy that allowed us to surrender to what was flowing through us that felt like fear, panic, shock and despair and to let it go through and not cling to it.  Maybe this is joy.  This allowing, this surrender to what is without knowing the outcome.

We give thanks for the love we feel and for the awareness of Love’s Presence in all things.  Especially in the dreaded call in the middle of the night.