It has been thirty days today since I began my month of extending love to Not-Knowing. Early on I realized that in order for my fear of Not-Knowing to evaporate I would have to see Not-Knowing as Friend, rather than impenetrable abyss for me to experience any degree of comfort or trust. One of the main things I have discovered is that Not-Knowing is a practice, rather than a thing, person or event. In the presence of Not-Knowing, all things actually are both possible and present. The practice of Not-Knowing is me moving into the spaciousness that is my birthright, in the middle of all that is in front of my face (or in the front of my mind). This beautiful spaciousness is not unlike the church bells ringing outside my window from Bath Cathedral. The joyousness is not really a tune but a clamoring burst of energy and life. Each note rushing past the next note which ends up cascading down my spine in a way that awakens and soothes all at the same time.
Not-Knowing is a practice.
These Sunday bells are a call to the faithful but also to those who are completely unaware of the faithfulness present in all things. Faith calls us gently into Not-Knowing that we may be together with the possibility of All Things. When I do not know something I can more closely imagine and be with all the possibilities. This naturally opens my heart in welcome, ease and ultimately awareness. I will continue the practice of Not-Knowing long after today as it is where I meet God in a very real sense. We often beseech, beg, ask God for a particular outcome all the while knowing that all outcomes are possible. In the Not-Knowing I can begin to trust that whatever outcome is happening is the best one for all. Whether you win or lose the game, survive the diagnosis or not, or find the perfect word to fit in a sentence to fully express your heart or not, all is well, alive, kind and perfect.
What more could I ask from my sojourn with Not-Knowing, to come face to face with the perfection in each moment? I am not as suspicious of tiredness or forgetfulness or even loss and pain now. I feel sure that allowing Not-Knowing to become both practice and presence in my day I am opening up more and more to my heart of hearts. A more perfect Sunday morning message from the Holy Spirit could not be asked for. Thank you, thank you and thank you.
