I need to know why. Why??!!! My husband asks “How?” Together we want to know. And this is the month of extending love to Not-Knowing. How perfect is it then that we get to be in a brand new, yet ancient place. We have now arrived in London and woken to rain. Rain, alone, washed away my usual need to know “why?” Coming from such drought in California it is such a glorious gift and joy just to see gray skies and hear the rain drops steadily on the roof I am deliciously immersed in the present moment. I think, for me, why includes past, present and future somehow; if I know why something happened to make the present thus then I am better able to know how to step into the future.
Why answers intention, purpose and meaning for me, all things core in my being.
Willingness is my passport.
Why grounds me, even as it ungrounds others. What is the big shift is who I am asking. Instead of asking my circumstances, or my husband or my work associates I ask Holy Spirit. When I pause and sink into that space of Not-Knowing and ask “Why?” the answers come in infinite forms like the millions of raindrops cascading on the roof.
The answer is just present together with the question. This allows why, and in deed all of my questions, to reveal, remind and restore me to the Awareness of Love.
Arriving in a new country is not unlike arriving at the altar of Not-Knowing. In am bombarded with new customs (I had forgotten how rare ice cubes are), new words (slip road, T5, serviette) and yet my willingness guides me (through my intention of sabbatical) in the ways of the heart. I think jetlag is an instant remedy for not listening to your guidance. Suddenly you find yourself noticing and following your body’s every need. Sleeping and eating become paramount and are done exactly when needed. Good bye clock watching.
Delivered into Not-Knowing via London cab!
We were hungry so joined the early post work crowd in the pub for sausage rolls and aioli fries at 4:30 pm (nearly dark anyway). At 1:00 am sleep was no longer needed so reading the paper ensued followed by tea and a tangerine followed by a movie on Netflix (fyi Google how to use your US Netflix while overseas;). More sleep and new sounds (trains, the chiming clink of the bottle disposal at the Local, cars zooming by in the narrow road literally three feet (I measured it) from our door. There is so much NEW swirling about in this old suburb of Kensignton that I don’t have time or inclination to ask “why?”. I am just receiving it all as benediction and gift. Today may be the Tower of London or a day of lolling and wonder.
Weirdly, I have no inclination to ask why. Perhaps what is really happening is I am taking a holiday from my self to get to know the truth of who I am.
I am willing.
Thank you and thank you and thank you. Amen.
