7. Day 24: The Reveal

I have noticed that honesty does not usually work alone.  There is an expression of quiet, sometimes nearly imperceptible, when we go within and let honesty reveal itself.  Honesty reveals what is already present.  Why am I so afraid to have what is already present revealed? I mean, if it is already present, what more can happen if I just notice this?  Am I afraid more will be asked of me that I do not have to give? Honesty IS what I have to give.  If I can allow myself this gift my days and nights and everything in between are enriched with gentleness, kindness, strength and ease.  What is present right now?

Within me, I feel a lovely spaciousness, a billowing emptiness that is actually filled with something.  Expectation of joy. Knowing and not-knowing; all is perfect.  Willingness to listen within.  Outside of me I hear clock ticking, traffic passing, leaves rustling in the breeze, refrigerator hum, solid desk holding my computer, mug of veggie broth, pens, journals, silk hydrangea and more.  I do have everything I need.  I am everything I need.  The honesty of this moment is enough.  Thank you and thank you and thank you reverberate silently in my awareness, a gong of gratitude rung by my willingness to notice.

Honesty reveals what is already fully present.

Honesty reveals both self and Self simultaneously as ONE.  This is what we are afraid of.  We are afraid to be seen as the Holy One.  I am not God but I am not NOT God.  God is Love and is within me.  I notice this through my small self of mother, friend, writer and wife.  I notice this through my infinite Self as all the qualities of Eternal Love that I AM (truth, tenderness, light, joy, holiness, listening), whether I remember this in a moment or not. But if I do, take a moment and breathe into the space that holds all of me I can again feel the beautiful flow of self and Self as ONE.  I am learning to walk awake in the light.

This morning I had an interesting walk.  For the first time in years my husband and I were both sound asleep when the alarm went off.  I usually wake much earlier or at least moments before the alarm.  An Emergency Room visit in the middle of the previous night with an elderly friend is probably why we were sleeping so soundly.  I roused and got on my walking gear and proceeded to walk the usual path. But I was still half asleep and it was dark.  I kept not realizing where I was (having dozed off mid step??) and then was amazed at how far I came.  I thought “This is what I am learning to do, get used to walking, even in the dark, even while half asleep.”  And walk I did.  I gradually woke up and the dawn lit the sky just as I was heading back into my own driveway.  The cool thing is that if Holy Spirit can teach me to walk and trust in the dark while half asleep, imagine what can happen when I am wide awake and the LIGHT is fully shining?  Let honesty lead you.  Even in the dark, even while you are still half asleep.  This is how Awareness wakes up.