I get a lot of epiphanies in the bath. The quiet, the water, and the cleansing must make me feel like church. This morning this thought floated out on the steam: “Wisdom is not knowing more, it is just that you stop running from what you don’t know.” I must have been the only teenager who longed to be 45 (oldest I could imagine at the time). At 45, I was certain I would know all I needed to know, then I could proceed happily and live a safe and comfortable life. Well, 45 came and went and I was no wiser. Now that 55 came and went (just weeks ago) I realized I was no longer even looking for wisdom as information. I don’t feel any wiser still, but today I realized I am ok with that. There is plenty I don’t know, nor could I “figure out”. As I write this we now know another ebola case has surfaced in Dallas, ISIS is still on a rampage and inexplicably CA fuel prices are down. I know that spending such time with honesty this month has encouraged me to look again deeply at my thoughts/feelings/actions in everything I do. I seem to have quiet running from what I do not know. I am not yet completely OK not knowing but at least I am not running from it.
Stop running from what you don’t know.
To admit you don’t know with little or no explanation is very freeing. This doesn’t mean I won’t ask for guidance or seek resolution to any pain or discomfort I may be feeling in a certain area. I used to think that the only way I could feel safe and happy was to know as much about everything as possible. I am still a curious person and ask questions about all kinds of things but I know now my safety, comfort and peace are not dependent on any of the answers I receive. I know now that I can experience peace, comfort and safety in the not-knowing. This is not to say I always do but I have ceased from running from what I don’t know. I am more comfortable with not-knowing. I realize life is a lot more fluid and creative than I ever anticipated when I was a teenager. Funnily, this greater ease with not-knowing makes for a more spacious day. I guess you could say that I am less inclined to be attached to a particular outcome so the not-knowing is less fraught. Perhaps wisdom is a certain measure of acceptance with whatever is happening.
Being honest with myself about what wisdom is or isn’t feels really good. What can you be honest with yourself about that feels good?
its safe to say this makes me feel better more humble somehow i always worry but letting go seems to help me and my ability to function. its in trying to predict everything all the time that keeps me stuck in my old brain thank you this really helped me put my heart first and trust where she was leading me blessings to you my friend and thank you again
Your heart is your most precious friend. Love and joy, xoxo