7. Day 11: Running From Pain?

Are you running from pain?  Am I??  I can say that in this moment, right now, I am not running.  Though, to be honest (and since honesty IS what I am practicing this month), running from pain was the most exersize I ever got before I started walking daily.  I used to call it good manners, or staying positive, or feeling overwhelmed but running from is another way of saying denying/ignoring/ trying to change what is in front of me.  Honesty is really shaking me up.  Everything can do with an honesty make-over.  How I eat/drink/ sleep/ speak/ give is under the gentle beam of honesty’s light.

The first way I run from pain is to deny I am in in pain.  That is really helpful.  Like having a razor blade in your shoe and leaving a trail of blood stained foot prints while saying “No really, I’m FINE!”.  It turns out not to be as difficult to remove the razor blade from my shoe as I thought.  Honesty is teaching me to be honesty with myself first.  Am I hot/tired/hungry/ annoyed/swooning/blanking out etc. ?  The second way I run from pain is to “belittle” it;  “Oh, it’s not so bad!  Others have it way worse.  I can handle this.”  I think the reason I balked at noticing and allowing myself to actually feel pain is that I didn’t really think I could do much about most of what I subsequently noticed and was feeling.  My extending love to my thoughts practice has, for years now, actually given me something to do when I notice what I am feeling/what is going on/ where I am.  Extending love to the fear of honesty has, in essence, unlocked honesty from the high shelf where I used to have to get a step ladder out to use it.  Now, each day in fact, I am asking myself (and Holy Spirit) how I can express and extend honesty to my self and others.  Being honest with my pain is a good place to start.

Are you running TOWARDS your Self?

This led to a little poem:

“Running From Pain?”

           Running

                 from

                        pain?

                               Run

                                      TOWARDS

                                                   your

                                                               Self!

So the next time you notice pain (or discomfort, annoyance, boredom, fear, overwhelm) pause and allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. Extend noticing, awareness and quiet to exactly what you are feeling. Take a deep breath and notice again.  If you are running from your pain you’d best be running towards your Self.  Are you? Are you running from the pain or running towards your Self?