I noticed this morning on my daily walk (this result of extending love to the fear of EVERY DAY continues because it has become a part of me) that I was aware of both the ebb and flow of energy and my new friend “There is nothing wrong.”. The significance of this is that I am judging my tiredness less and simply noticing it. It really isn’t ever present but when it is it is kind of loud and insistent. It has gotten less so as I am extending noticing, listening and welcome to this energy (or seeming lack thereof). Today this new thought cheered me:
I also felt more like I was riding tiredness or floating on it rather than it was me. This was more of an ebbing energy day and it was ok.
I think one of the reasons I hold onto my tiredness is for the excuse to stop, breathe and go within for prayer and meditation. Here is a crazy thought: What if I could do this even if I wasn’t tired???! A dear cousin wrote to me after reading this months epic fear AS tiredness and said “Rest is foreign to us. It makes us feel guilty to need it.” She reminded me our Grandmother used to take regular afternoon naps. I would love to take a nap. I love naps. I look forward all week to naps on the weekend. I own my own business which makes me busy but it also makes me the boss. I don’t have to ask anyone to take time off to give myself the gift of an afternoon toes-up. Even saying this, I feel like I am making an excuse somehow. Maybe this would be a good exersize in extending love to tiredness: to take a guiltless nap any time I felt called to. Why does this still feel like heresy somehow? I will let you know how I go.
My energy always has everything it needs.
My tiredness is really what led me to seek my heart and God in all things so continuing to do this without the pain of tiredness is nearly too good to be true but it is a yearning of my heart so it is so good it MUST be true (and possible!). Here is a delicious quote about yearning from Bartholomew that will leave you sated:
“Yearnings rise up out of the deepest part of you. Acknowledge [the yearning]! That yearning is the voice of the Divine trying to move you to a more open position. Left to itself, consciousness always moves toward greater bliss, greater and greater love, greater and greater understandings. These are the deep things you yearn for.
You are not responsible for figuring our HOW your yearnings will be fulfilled.
You are responsible for ALLOWing yourself to get very BIG with this feeling; and to have a great deep intimacy with your yearnings.”
——–Planetary Brother, by Bartholomew p. 107
To get BIG with the feeling of my yearnings I must notice them, take time to be with them, listen to them and follow them. This kind of sounds like being with the Holy Spirit. Oh, that’s right, the yearnings are the desires of my heart that I was promised. I never really knew I needed to tend these yearnings like a garden. I wonder if taking a nap would tend my tiredness in a way that the yearnings of my deeper Self could say oh so much more if I fully embraced the energy that I am without needing the cover story of tiredness?
