6. Day 3: My Tiredness Is A Knitted Scarf

I have been aware of my mantra of tiredness for weeks.  My daily blogging has allowed me to see just how constantly I affirm this.  I had a very full week last week and needed a 20 min nap between appointments.  Just as I laid down this phrase came to me, like a feather floating up in front of me:  “My tiredness is a knitted scarf.  It is beautiful, intricate and well made.  Yet it is 120 degrees.  What now?”  I fell into a deep albeit short sleep.  I woke feeling refreshed and couldn’t get the image of my tiredness as  knitted scarf out of my head.

The next morning, in quiet I asked Holy Spirit about this.  I realized that tiredness protects me……from myself.  I wondered how can I show myself I can be trusted?

HS:  Be honest in all things.

Me:  How?  I am so used to thinking how things affect others (family, business associates, community at large) I don’t really know how things affect me.  How can I know this? (Besides it feels so wrong to think this way, a real forsaking all others). What needs healing?

HS:  Your sense of your relationship to yourself.  You know this yet are not feeling it.  Your tiredness is a result of not feeling your own self.

Me:  I haven’t a clue what would be helpful here, can you open my eyes and guide me?

HS:  Assume this:  I know what is best for me.

Me:  I feel fractured just thinking this, I only see myself in relationship with others.  “What is best for all” runs deep and I feel somehow that is what I need to plug into.

HS:  The truth is this:  I only know what is best for me.

Me:  This feels limiting and backwards.  It feels far from peace to me.  Can you communicate this in a way I can get?

HS:  I need only know what is best for me.

Me:  All I can think of is “What about everyone else?  Wont this thought lead to utter chaos?”  Time to extend much love to my thinking.

I extend healing to this thinking.

I extend purpose to this thinking.

Tiredness, Eva’s coat of many colors.

I extend celebration to this thinking.

I extend calm to this thinking.

I extend compassion to this thinking.

I extend appreciation to this thinking.

I extend willingness to this thinking.

I extend surrender to this thinking.

I extend hope to this thinking.

I extend peace to this thinking.

I extend value to this thinking.

I extend happiness to this thinking.

I extend clarity to this thinking.

I extend light to this thinking.

I extend thanksgiving to this thinking.

I extend trust to this thinking.

After this long time of sitting quietly with each quality of love and really feeling myself showering my fractured, tired thinking with each of these qualities in turn, I became aware of a beautiful spaciousness, out of which came this revelation:

I gasped because I knew this was TRUE.  There IS nothing wrong!!  Nothing!  There is nothing wrong.  There never was and never will be anything wrong.  This is my new mantra instead of tired.  THERE IS NOTHING WRONG.