In my recent post Tiredness Is A Tunnel To Truth I wrote of my ever present companion tiredness. I have been noticing how often I say or think “I’m tired” or “I am exhausted” or the after-hours version “I’m pooped” or knackered, without oxygen, dead, flat or fried. It is all some version of *NOT* living in light, abundance and joy. As I neared the end of my month of extending love to EVERY DAY I couldn’t help but notice the other EVERY DAY in my life was tiredness. Or was it?
This month I am devoting to extending love to FEAR AS TIREDNESS. It all started quite harmlessly in the trying on room at Nordstrom’s a couple of weeks ago. I was waiting for my daughter to try on a few things she was deciding on for her birthday and I was wondering (without much clarity or energy I might add) what we would make for dinner when we got home. Or rather, what I had enough energy to make for dinner. I had enough energy for protein drinks (thank God for Arbonne) and not much else. I heard myself think, for the thousandth time that day, “I am so tired” (I was too tired for an exclamation mark but the tiredness was intense enough for one). However, because of my adventure in extending love to my thoughts I suddenly saw “I am tired” as a thought rather than a TRUTH. Here is what I wrote that day in my journal:
“Maybe it is not actually true that I am tired. I am……………perfectly whole?!? I need to sit quietly with this……………..”
I wrote the next day:
Tiredness blocks my awareness to Love’s Presence.
“I AM SO TIRED I can’t hear/see/feel that I am peace, joy and happiness. The tiredness seems obvious, real, deserved and a natural outcome of weeks and months of constant activity. Yet, it is beginning to feel like a chorus to distract my attention, or is it my just needing rest. Help and guide me Holy Spirit.”
What I discovered I needed was permission to rest. And this is what I am giving myself. A whole month of extending love to tiredness as fear. I say fear AS tiredness rather than fear OF tiredness because tiredness has been such a part of my life I now consider it both friend and comfort. The new thought, the HUGE shift in possibility is that the tiredness itself is not actually the truth about me. Or, in other words, tiredness might just be a story I have woven about myself and maybe, just maybe, I could learn to tell a different story. But that would take the heart of a lion, the story craft of our recently departed Maya Angelou and in the immortal words of Jerry Lee Lewis “great balls of fire“.
Won’t you join me on my continuing epic adventure of extending love to my epics fears, one month and one incredible fear at a time. I voyage into the unknown possibility that the very tiredness I created can be loved even as it transforms me. I leave you with this delicious morsel:
Come along and let’s see together how I might feel this God-Awareness that my tiredness is trying to disguise. Can I learn to “feel, without preference, whatever is present in any moment”? Can YOU?
I’m looking forward to this fear “As Tiredness” because, like you, I’m constantly saying those phrases. What if it’s just a mind set I need to change?
Any perspective shift is truly a miracle. So glad you are here with me for the process of noticing and loving and newly creating! xoxo