I was terribly saddened to hear of the death of Robin Williams yesterday. It would seem that his death was by the choice that really is without choice. Suicide is a clamor for peace, a call for love, a declaration of “I am finished now”. There is already much talk about suicide, depression, mental illness combined with substance abuse and the moment is already being lost under a flurry of commentary of a life that was in deed gift to us all.
Of course I did not know Robin Williams personally in any way. I have, over the years, thought how difficult it must have been to be one so full of manic energy. His comment in one interview that cocaine gave him reprieve from talking really resonated with me. What do you do when it is your self that you feel the desperate need to get away from? I cannot pretend to know what Mr. Williams felt like but I know I get tired of my own schtick. The talking, the judging, the sadness from deep within, the ever present questioning of “Is it enough? Am I enough?” It is easy to see myself as fortunate that I can also hear this precious voice for Love, that I call Holy Spirit, also deep within me. And yet, I cannot see Robin Williams as anything but exactly the way he was. Perfect and genius and precious. We are often the last to know how precious we are. This is why we band together. This is why we marry, have friends, hug, kiss, watch one another tenderly. We cannot quite believe we, ourselves, are enough love to carry us through the day and moment.
Be still and know that I am God.
My month of extending love to the fear of depression did not include the very real fear of what depression, in its darkest hours, can lead to: suicide. This is the greatest fear of depression. My own dear cousin who had the face of a happy puppy even as an adult, took his own life late one night, when there seemed no possibility of hope or change or peace. His family was devastated and yet, I have to say, we felt a measure of unexpected peace that his battle was over. The thought that came to me over and over was that my cousin was just too precious and tender for this world. His family still misses him and thinks about him and loves him dearly without ever ceasing.
No matter what the circumstance of a life or a death, Love is fully present. The real tragedy is that we often don’t notice until something utterly shocking happens. Like when one of our brothers chooses to leave without saying good bye. Good bye Robin, thank you. Love named you. Love holds you. Love loves you. And so do we all.
HS: Precious Ones, this is the perfect opportunity to open up your heart while experiencing this intensity you call sadness. Trust that each life is lived with purpose and each life ends in purpose for the greater awareness of Love’s presence. Fear not the abyss that calls your name, I am there too. Fear not the emptiness that says “There is NO HOPE!!” I am there too. Fear not the vanishing point of your awareness of Love’s full and enduring Presence. I am with you always, in all ways, forever and ever. Amen and Selah.
Beautiful message!
The world of duality is filled with so much magnificent beauty and so much pain.
May peace and love fill all hearts and minds as all beings awaken to their Love-Essence.
Blessings.
Shanti, Shanti, Shanti
Amen, amen, and amen again!! Thanks Jill, xoxo
I struggle with the dark, deep hole, called depression.Robin Williams death has saddened me deeply. I live in a place where I don’t know what to do any more to be loved by someone, to be needed to be in appearance to someone, to have someone ring my phone and need to talk to me. My reason for being for so many years was to care for my husband and my children. I put any thing I might ever want to do on the back burner. I shut myself down emotionally when my life, my marriage got so very bad. And I lost myself in that process, now who am I to be, that will make someone want to be around me, that will show me how to feel I am valuable, and I can love myself. I am saddened by losing Robin, but I understand, and I compare myself to him so gifted, and me so not!
Dearest One, surely you know that you are the apple of my eye, as are each and every one of my precious children. Know that your life has been lived exactly as needed to arrive at the moment we call NOW. Your value is not based on what you do for others my dear child, your value is intrinsic, unchanging and forever. You are already in the presence of Love and you need but trust that and ask in each moment “Help me to be aware of the Love that is fully present. Guide me Holy Spirit in this moment that I may experience the Love that I am.” Then trust the inklings of your heart whether it is to make a cup of tea, take a nap, sit quietly for five minutes or call an old friend. I am always with you, you cannot get free from my loving embrace. Your pain is also in my embrace, I see you right now and know what you are going through. Feel my arms around you and trust the choices you have made. Be still and know that I am God and I am as close as your own breath.——-Holy Spirit
I so quickly forget what you shared. This last year and losing little James,two and a half, caused my questions to loom larger! And I forget to spend time with the Holy Spirit. And having so much still undone over his death, and coming upon the 1st anniversary of his leaving, things weigh heavy on my heart.
Dear Mary,
I have been a spiritual seeker for most of my 60 years of life. One of the antidotes for my pain that was similar to yours was my study of the Enneagram. Once I understood that I have a personality (ego defense structure) that is described as the Type 2 — Helper/Giver — I had the yellow brick road toward my experience of wholeness. I am still a helper/giver, but in recognizing the ways that I used to LOSE myself in giving to others and self-forgetting, I chose to learn how to give to myself, set boundaries, pay attention in a new way to how I relate to people, etc. It gets better and better. Instead of trying to win others’ love, my essence shining forth magnetized the experience of love in many forms. I feel loved, by me, by God, and by others. May you open to receive whatever key will unlock the door to your love in life.
Blessings,
Jill
What a beautiful way of seeing Jill!
I love what you shared Jill, I have too, been a seeker. I met Lisle in the class we were in together. And I wanted to get to know her better, because I heard how wonderful she was at teaching. I have looked just briefly at outline on Enegrams(sp?), and what you shared is me! I will look closer. I know ego is very fearful, and wants to always have the power. I am going to look that up, is there any particular book that describes the personalities? thanks Mary
I meant Eva lisle!! sorry Eva!! Love you.
Isn’t it wonderful to share our hearts together and know none of us fully awaken until we ALL awaken to our true Love natures! Love you too Mary!! xoxo
There are many good books on the Enneagram. “The Wisdom of the Enneagram” by Don Riso & Russ Hudson is one of my favorites. You can email me at Jilleroni@juno.com if you want to discuss this some more. Best wishes & gentle hugs,
Jill
Thank you, Jill! Love to you, Mary