I keep being shown over and over again just how much I HANG ON to everything; thoughts, habits, clothes, email, paperwork etc. Letting go sounds easy, like how hard would it be to let go of one thing each day? I am telling you this now. It makes me feel vulnerable, unprepared, lackadaisical, and like I am cheating somehow. It also feels really good. Yikes! How can these two groups of feeling integrate? I guess this is what my month of extending love to letting go is all about.
I want to explain briefly how I do this blog. I have several friends who read and are a tad confused. For the rest of you please just take this explanation as a way to be a part of my process. I journal every day with a pen and notebook. This is the best way I have found for anchoring my quiet time and opening up for my time of meditation. It is intimate. Just Holy Spirit and my listening awareness. When I began this twelvemonth project in March 2014, I began on paper. It was a couple of weeks later that I was able to translate my early morning scrawl into a blog post. The reason I share this with you is so that you will understand that on a given day when I might share I am sad, or tired or have a houseful of visitors, that it might have happened a couple of weeks ago. Early on in this project Holy Spirit gave me this guidance through a dear friend who suggested beginning my project immediately yet posting in a slightly delayed fashion to allow a modicum of anonymity to events, feelings and to leave room for daily life. This has worked beautifully and has allowed room for my very full schedule as well as my great delight in both writing and journalling. Sometimes something else happens. Life explodes, time melds into eternity and there is no buffer of time and I am writing hours before posting (as I did on the eve of my daughter’s graduation from university just recently).
Full disclosure: me first thing in the morning during quiet time.
I am sharing my process for two reasons. One, so you won’t wonder if I have yet another lightening trip to Ashland or am entertaining another friend from Japan. Second reason, to share how incredibly rich the experience of reading and sharing my journalling just a couple of weeks later actually is. I am getting a whole other deepening experience of feeling that what I am doing IS really extending love to mySELF. I am finding that I am looking forward to translating my journal into blog posts as I do my original quiet time when I wrote in the first place. At this time I can add thoughts, observations and delight myself in what Holy Spirit has shared with me. It is nothing short of miraculous because I honestly thought the technical part would be a drudge which I very nearly passed onto a team member in our web design company. Thank God I didn’t (pass it on) for it is truly an incredible joy.
Today I let go of: keeping up the pretense of this being a totally live time blog (I’m discovering the way I was led to do it feels more like eternity anyway, which is surely the most beneficial for all of us;)
I write every day; I blog every day; I pray, fail, succeed, extend love to my thoughts, sleep, fear, eat, laugh, work, play etc every day. It is just not always the exact date that appears on the blog calendar. Thank you for your interest and acceptance of my process (& my need to explain).
What did you let go of today?
It’s a process. Not everyone’s process is the same, but it is the right one for them. Thanks for sharing your process.
On letting go – SO HARD. I have had to let go of past hurts and past ‘assumptions’ of events especially as it pertains to my parents. They are not here to ask question or get answers and, quite frankly, not sure they would answer them anyway. I wonder what our relationship would be like now that I am on the way to the person I think I was meant to be instead of the person they either thought I was or that they encouraged me to be.
As you know, my dad could be delightful. He was also not easily pleased nor did he express anything personal about himself. He died and I knew almost nothing about him. I envied you and Evan and the relationship with your parents. Yes, I know that’s ridiculous. And I didn’t envy you at the time. I envied you when I realized I didn’t have that type of relationship.
My mom had been married before. Didn’t know that until I was 16 playing canasta with her cousins. My dad had been married before. Found that out at 18 when we were trying to get him SSDI after his stroke. My dad had two children from his previous marriage. Didn’t know that until I was 22. I found out my dad died when Beth Schuhman called me; my mother did not talk to me for a few days after. In every instance, these important events were given to me by others. Now that I’ve reconnected with my cousins on my mom’s side, I hear stories about them I’ve never heard and things I never knew.
I could either get bent or just enjoy learning about my family. I’ve chosen the latter. It’s not always easy and sometimes I have to struggle to get there, but letting go of the anger and bitterness was the first step.
As with all things, I try to ensure the Katheryne knows everything about me and her dad – even though he doesn’t really share anything with her – so that she will really know us.
Letting go is hard; it is work. And everyone’s journey is different.
Hugs and love my friend.
xo Stacey
Thank you for sharing some of your challenges in letting go. I find such comfort in remembering that we are, each one, doing the best we think we can in any given moment. That those moments are filled with awkward pain and even silence is what leads us to seek the truth about ourselves and our own hearts. So glad you are joining in so beautifully in your sharing dear One. Love always, E xoxo
Hello Darling Eva, I am just returning to your blogs and spent the past few minutes catching up on July 1-today. How timely the topic. Letting go is a theme around me right now too, so I love that your HS perspective resonates with me. Jill’s comments on a few of these posts are beautiful too and she feels like a friend I’ve known forever (of course we all have known each other haven’t we?). Thank you for sharing your process today. Will stay close to the posts this month as I’m finding such comfort here. Love’n’hugs to you my dear Eva!!
So very happy to hear from you dear MaryAnn! I am sending you BIG love and very glad of your joining in with us in this month of letting go of the fear of letting go;) xoxo