4. Day 4: Not Even Fourth Nature

I have to admit that letting go is not second (or third or fourth) nature to me.  I feel like there is a tense energy that wants to ball up like a fist in me; it wants to strike out and see things it wants to be different and fix/change them.  I feel this fist in my head and gut.  So it is a good thing I am practicing extending love to my fear of letting go.  I need to let go I just don’t know how.

I extend awareness to this thought.

Somehow just (!) being aware of this tight fist of hanging on to wanting things to be different allows me to be with it a few moments.  In those few moments I feel an opening, a relaxing of sorts, and a shift in perspective.  I realized what I needed to let go of today was worry.  You will see me do this over and over I am sure for worry has been a long time companion.

So today I let go of worrying about being too tired and not having enough time.

I am noticing my letting go practice is allowing me to be the most relaxed I have ever been with guests staying at the house.  I am letting go each day (note this is done multiple times as needed) my thinking that says I must create a perfect setting for happiness for all. It has been my custom to pre-think and pre-organize everything when visitors come to maximize delight.  Of course I end up exhausted which is apparently not delightful for anyone.  In the spirit of letting go, I have been noticing and then letting go each thought that runs to yank on my sleeve for attention and says “It would be better if you………”.  I am taking the unprecedented path of not doing everything for my guests.   Everyone seems to be at ease and doing for themselves as they see fit.  Ease and delight are reigning for all.  Thank you Holy Spirit for this miracle!