4. Day 31: This Post Rated XXX

I think the biggest lesson I have experienced in extending love to letting go is seeing that I truly have everything I need in every moment.  Not as in a platitude but in reality.  I have everything I need because my heart is everything I need. In my heart are desires, guidance, delights and I need but follow them and I end up experiencing peace in the midst of whatever is going on.  This past weekend we packed and were ready to drive to Los Angeles on business.  We went out to the garage to get out my husband’s car and this is what we found:

X marks the spot

Whoa!!  This rather makes it impossible to get the car out of the garage.  It is hard to tell but it doesn’t look like there is much, if any, damage to the roof or gutters.  It did feel a little weird to be literally ready to walk out the door and see a giant “X” in our path.  We continued prepping, now using my car for our trip down California’s Central Valley. Before we packed the car I checked in within myself to see if I was “feeling” anything that would tell me that this was a sign to reconsider.  I even asked my husband to do the same.  We both felt peace at going so go we did.  We both let go of “what the sign could mean” and decided what we felt inside was truer.

As we drove down the Valley we chatted and plotted our picnic stop.  We began to notice the air conditioning in my car was not working properly and kept turning up the fan to high yet the cool disappeared completely.  We knew it was going to be a hot day so had water but did not really plan on driving in 107 degrees in the desert with no A/C.  We looked up in the sky and this is what greeted our hot selves:

A BIG X across the sky

Come ON!  An “X” in front of the garage and then another huge “X” in the sky above our heads???!!  What does THIS mean.  We were two hours into our 6 hour journey and AGAIN we wondered if we should turn around and go home or continue.  We really didn’t weigh and measure we simply felt within our hearts to see if we were still at peace.  We were.  So continued.  Stopping every hour or so to find shade or a cold drink.  It seemed if we stopped the A/C would rally for a bit before conking out again.  We let go of thinking our  broken A/C was trying to tell us something.  Peace prevailed.

Next thing we knew at about the 4 hour mark we noticed we were traveling behind this truck:

X Exchange!!!

I kid you not!  God had my attention at the first “X” in front of the garage;  my husband’s attention was grabbed by the “X” in the sky.  When we looked up and saw the third “X” we both looked at one another and said something akin to “WTF??”  X, X, X.  Did this mean a week of great canoodling?  Did it mean we screwed up and should have turned around and come home?  Did it mean something was going to happen and “X” would be a clue???  I said “Let’s just go inside and ask what it means?”  My husband said:  “Can I just drive and tell you later?”  Here is what I got:   “X” stand for the Not Known (think of “X” in an algebraic equation).  Somehow I felt this was a big “WOO HOO!!” from Holy Spirit celebrating this (seemingly very long) month of extending love to LETTING GO.  And what is letting go all about?  Letting go of what I KNOW!  This series of X’s just blew me away.  I am letting go INTO what is NOT KNOWN and that is perfectly fine because there is nothing wrong.  THERE IS NOTHING WRONG.  I used to hold on because something would feel wrong or “just in case” something would go wrong.  I can trust even when, no, especially when I do not know what is going on or what something means.

I know this, when I trust my heart it always means peace.  I have learned this month that I can let go into peace and trust all guidance that comes next for THERE IS NOTHING WRONG.

This ends my month of the fear of letting go.  What comes next is ground breaking for me.  What could it be?  (Tune in tomorrow and find out:)