One of the fears of depression I have noticed within myself is that I have no right to feel depressed. This quote I read in a Maisie Dobbs novel expressed the nebulous fear in the background I was feeling but couldn’t express.
“The girl’s had the very best, so don’t tell me about despair, Miss Dobbs, that girl’s got no right to despair.”—–Birds of a Feather by Jaquelline Winspear
I guess I thought if I continued to ignore it, I would always feel happy.
HS: Depression cannot be ignored. It is a calling from within to notice your truth.
Me: It has taken me a long time to admit to feeling anything but gratitude and happiness because I truly felt I had no right to feel anything else. It has been challenging allowing myself to feel into depression and extend love to it. I had help in an unusual way. I met a young woman who might be described as falling somewhere within the autistic spectrum of behavior. Being with her brought out a deep gratitude that I didn’t have to be with her on a regular basis. I could feel the magnetic pull within me of powerlessness in the face of such singular behavior. This young woman was extremely bright and a published author yet there was something about being in her presence that made me feel invisible. Being with someone who does not see, notice or particularly demonstrate any care about you is extremely unsettling. Her focus was exclusively on her own creation, desires, thoughts, ideas, plans etc. I don’t know why this isn’t more appealing for it sounds strong and independent yet I was left feeling excluded and separate.
After the torrential one-sided conversation I could feel the very tip of the hopelessness of depression through
I extend comfort to this thought.
the powerlessness I felt around this young woman.
I extend comfort to this thought.
Comfort. Just the word brings an inaudible ahhhhhh to my heart and breath. How can I extend comfort to my own self in this moment HS?
HS: Be still and know that I am God. I am your strength. I am your comfort. Fear not that which makes you feel and become aware of your thoughts of powerlessness. It is only in seeing them fully, in the light that they will dissolve back into the remembrance of your true power. Remember your real power is knowing fully who you are. You are Love. Loving is how you remember this. Ask yourself: how can I express my loving nature right now?
Me: Ok. I’ll admit it. I expressed love & comfort to my own self and took a short nap. I feel beloved and restored. GO HS!!!
I appreciate your clarity about not feeling the “right” to be depressed. Especially for those of us ‘on the consciousness path’ (we have so much) the fear of depression or any “negative” emotion may unconsciously keep us trying to be (or appear to be) “positive”.
It is important to bring this unconscious issue to the surface for healing.
Thank you, Dear Sister in Spirit!
I am pretty sure all of our thoughts are going to be just Love dressed up in all kinds of costumes;) Thanks for your comments dear Jill! xoxo