This is why I hate depression. It pushes people away. A friend is going through a heavy phase of something. It feels like depression from where I stand but really, what do I know? My friend does not want to connect at all. This is the crux of what gets me about being on the other side of depression. It hurts. It feels like a slap in the face. So, Holy Spirit, it doesn’t seem you would feel wounded, hurt, sad or annoyed now so this must be my fear talking.
How can I see this in Love’s eyes? Or rather, let me see in Love what is the truth. Help me extend willingness, not-knowing and surrender to my self, the situation, the depression, recovery and time and space.
Ok. I am still feeling left out of a friendship. Now I feel like you are ignoring me to Holy Spirit. What gives?
I open I Come As A Brother by Bartholomew and read this quote:
WHOA!!! Thank you Holy Spirit!!!
Peeking at Power
Depression is a state of belief in my powerlessness.
Powerlessness feels so real, so true. Five minutes ago I felt powerless to extend love to depression and my feelings of hurt by being excluded because of it. My vaguest intention and the desire of my heart for peace and no suffering got me to open the book I have been reading. And there, right in the middle of the NEXT SENTENCE I read of depression. This is not a book on depression, rather a book on listening to the Holy Spirit within.
I feel open and spacious now, with plenty of room and willingness to look again at depression. Reading that depression can be a signal that deep changes are about to be made make me feel incredibly hopeful. I can see that if I looked at power as a thermometer, power-ful would be at the top with a temp of 107 HOT and power-less would be at the bottom with -10 COLD. Depression just falls towards the low end of the thermometer. My temperature tends to fall at the low end of the power scale so I am realizing that this extending love to depression is not for me to learn to handle other’s depression it is to learn to extend love to my OWN sense of powerlessness that assails me without so much as a by-your-leave
Wow!
Are you writing this for me? How perfect that you have helped me to see my own response to someone else’s depression. I extend love to thoughts of my powerlessness, instead of trying to help, guide, fix. I remember now that all is well.
Dearest Joyce, The more I extend love the more I see everything is always well. How could it ever not be? xoxo