I have noticed that a characteristic of depression, and most suffering actually, is a deep unwillingness.
Me: HS, please tell me about this. Why is unwillingness a part of suffering? How can we deal with a powerful deadening sense of unwillingness?
HS: Dearest One,
Unwillingness is at the seat of suffering.
“UN” cloaks willingness…but not for long.
Unwilling to be here now.
Unwilling to face this moment.
Unwilling to feel pain.
Unwilling to open eyes.
Unwilling to know Love’s presence.
Unwilling to hope.
Unwilling to care.
Unwilling to experience peace.
Unwilling to experience joy.
Unwilling to know the truth.
Unwilling to see suffering for what it it.
You are always powerful; full-of-power. Power is in your DNA. Love is one way to describe the Divine Power that you are. You have the ability to think, to create, to imagine, to start, to stop, to know, and yet delight in the not known. You are able, because of who you are–a perfect and beautiful child of God–to extend your power of Love and creation infinitely. The only way to experience NOT-power or NOT-love is to reverse the extending as it were and extend within, this looks like a withdrawal but is yet another way to experience yourself.
Instead of willing-ness we have UN-willing-ness. Instead of happy-ness we have UN-happy-ness. Instead of power-full-ness we have power-LESS-ness. To be sure these are temporary states of awareness. This thing you call depression is a deep state of going within. Do not fear this. Allow yourself to explore and notice this UN-state.
How deep does your unwillingness go? Are you UN-willing: getting out of bed, brushing your teeth, being happy, caring about your self, the idea of a future?
Did you drink a cup of coffee?
Notice and list all the things that you are un-willing. In this list of NOT-willing you must begin to notice an inherent power within you. It takes power to be so successful at UN-willing. This is a display of energy, verve and creativity. To create NOT-create is quite a feat. The UN-willingness you have noticed is not against you–it is not your enemy. As you welcome the noticing of your UN-willing-ness you are allowing space for this UN-willing-ness to stop suffering. Once the suffering UN- has been released there is plenty of space to notice your own desire for actual willing-ness.
Sit today with the knowledge of your own willing-ness. Notice when UN-willing-ness is present without fear. Move again into your willing-ness without the fear of NOT or UN-. Notice and treasure your willing today. Did you will; eating a banana, drinking a cup of coffee, relieving yourself in the toilet, patting the dog or turning on your smart phone? Delight in your daily acts of willing. When UN-willing is present notice and welcome the awareness and fear it not.
Eventually you will notice a willing-ness for happy, health and life . Until then, fear not your UN-willing-ness. Just notice and welcome your awareness in your heart.
