Feeling is another dimension. It is what is present underneath all that you are thinking, seeing, noticing. It is that animal of light that shines warmth on your belly and releases a thousand, thousand butterflies into your chest. This presence of “more” is a live currant running through every cell of your body, not just nerve endings in your fingertips and gut. Feeling can thrash you, uplift you, transport and transform your experience in less time than the spark of electric charge that the brains sends to say “blink” to your eye. Feeling lets you know wordlessly “The game is afoot!”, “It’s time.”, “LOOK HERE!”, “You are loved, safe, cared for.”. How then can a day of Feeling and feelings feel like a ride on a rocket roller coaster that has totally worn out the brakes?
I have been swamped today by one wave right after the other of feeling. I am in the middle of a family in transition (marriage, moving, publishing), who is in the middle of a business in transition (new leaders, staff and global headquarters), that is in the middle of a world that is in transition (changing the way we see just about everything every day). I want a new word (the French probably have a word for this, or the Japanese) for transition sickness (like motion sickness but without the mess). I feel dizzy, wired, excited, shocked, uncertain and peaceful all at the same time. I felt the same mixture of awe and terror when we passed over Mt. Rainier and the Cascade Range flying into Seattle the other day:
Cascade Range seen on the way into Seattle.
“Wow! OMG!!! It’s gorgeous! What if we crashed here?! Oh my goodness it is beautiful, HUGE, exquisite and unbearably powerful.”
Our parent company is involved in a major reorg at the moment. I feel sure that all the change is for our greater good but there is fallout and real people who are affected. I am also feeling for them and with them down to my toes. I know Love does not leave anybody out and that all are being moved into greater and more precious awareness of their own heart’s desires but it probably doesn’t feel like that right now. Right now it feels like being kicked in the teeth or the gut or having your best friend call you and tell you that novel you wrote just didn’t move her the way you thought it would and you have to face the possibility you don’t know a damned thing about anything.
Concurrent with the roller coaster ride has been a feeling of tremendous openness, like feeling the hand of God realigning the stars into a favorite pattern just so I would be able to recognize so that while I am waiting in the dark, I will feel safe and happy and be willing to continue trusting. Extending love to all these feelings is a tall order so I just let it all be whatever it needed to be in each moment today. I allowed tears and laughter equal billing and gave thanks for actually not feeling afraid to notice, embrace and welcome all that I have felt today.
Blessings and Love to you dear Eva!
Thanks Jill!! xoxo