12. Day 11: Oh! I Forgot To Mention…

I forgot to mention yesterday in my post about stepping way out of my comfort zone that the feeling of discomfort is co-mingled with a deep undercurrent of willingness, delight, wonder and empowerment.  My daughter mentioned this to me on her way out the door.  It is a good thing to have an accountability partner when you have taken on the practice of extending love to your thoughts (and feelings).  Noticing is the first great quality of love we get to use when extending love to our thoughts.  If you don’t first notice the thought or feeling or circumstance you have the thoughts and feelings and go through the motions of a circumstance (a business meeting, a funeral, a root canal) without being fully awake, alert and aware of Love’s teeming presence within you.

It’s good to have an accountability partner.

My daughter’s reminder showed me that old pattern I have to hold my focus on the fear (think deer in the headlights) rather than the rest of the truth that is also fully present (the forest, the road, my fellow deer, the moon, the brisk air, the scent of pine, my fully belly, my delight in my life).  I probably need to make a whole category called “I Forgot To Mention”, or at least a tag group. I think this is exactly why extending love to my thoughts is such a powerful practice.  It has been my practice now for over four years to notice, welcome, allow, treasure and extend whatever other quality of love that feels right or is called up in me to my thoughts and feelings.  This IS self love.  Extending love to what I think and feel IS loving my self.

In the process I am deeply intimate with my Holy Spirit in such a way that this loving presence feels far more real to me than any thought or fear or feeling at hand.  What that translates into is this:  I feel a fear (of feeling the despair of ever getting a handle on cash flow) AND I feel the Love that is fully present in all things (I have an amazing team around me teaching me helping me, guiding me; I have a precious incredible family; I have discovered work I so love in my writing that I could do it every day for the rest of my life; I actually have the money in the first place to overspend; overspending is such a first world problem; Holy Spirit is my partner in all things; I am worthy of happiness and peace).  In this way my fear is not towering over me shouting obscenities but more knocking on the door with a gift of the perspective shift that is needed.  And I don’t have to fear the perspective shift because I already know I am beloved, worthy, precious and doing far more than the best I can, I am doing exactly what I need to do in order to grow my awareness of Love’s precious presence.

Love is a revelation.

A friend and reader commented it seems like I am fighting a battle on multiple fronts.  I think this is what my small self, Eva, felt like yesterday. Today, however, it feels like playing one of those futuristic chess games on four different levels where you are not only conscious of the game on one level but on each and every level.  The joy and juice is in knowing all I have to do is go within and ASK every step of the way.  I don’t have to strategize, configure and plan unless that is what gives me great joy.  I don’t have to strain, worry or feel the overwhelm unless that is what helps me most play the game.  And what exactly is the game?  Oh, that would be the game of getting to know and love myself on every level in order to enjoy fully integrating my awareness of love throughout my whole life.  Booojahhhhh!