“Today is a stepping stone in the discovery of who I am and what brings me joy.”——March 30 (from my daily affirmations calendar from Louise Hay, given to each of us at the Writers Conference last week). This quote is perfect for me as I finish up my Twelvemonth and actually not a bad way to look at each and every day now that I think about it. How lovely would it be to look at each new day, no matter what was on your calendar or on your to-do list, as a stepping stone in the discovery of who you are? If that is my underlying goal and focus, wouldn’t everything that happened (or didn’t happen) just show me the depths of my heart if I allowed and welcomed it? And if I looked at each day also as a stepping stone in discovering what brings me joy, would it matter what I discovered? I might discover that binge watching a Canadian detective story on the weekend left me feeling unsettled rather than rested. Rather than chastising myself or being annoyed with the “waste of time” I could say, “Huh, this activity didn’t actually bring me joy; it brought my time on the couch not thinking about anything else (which in its own way contributed to the feeling of a mind “off duty”), but joy? Not so much.”
Take time to notice all the colors of joy.
The series we watched followed a shocking murder and the stories and detectives own discoveries unravel s….l….o….w….l….y…. as each hour long show was one day in the investigative process. This did bring me a new way to look at time and our need for the instant resolution we have come to count on in a television program. We found ourselves a little antsy in the first episode as it got near the final mark feeling hollow and unresolved as catching the perpetrator was nowhere in sight. It took us watching another episode for it to dawn that time had slowed to a more real time and we would have to wait, agonize, wonder etc over many episodes to find out “who did it?” (kind of like real life). So here is what I discovered about myself: I have trained myself to expect instant resolution with everything from microwaves to preferring hour long programs. I love free two day shipping on Amazon, 24 hr/day markets and our local Starbucks drive-through open ’til midnight. I have literally programmed myself to expect it all to happen instantly and if it doesn’t, or if I don’t [attain, achieve, recognize] in a very short space of time I think “something is wrong”.
There is always time for joy.
What a kick to see this might just have been one of the reasons Holy Spirit took me on this unexpected program of self love over a Twelvemonth period. Through the lens of this Twelvemonth time frame I have a much broader perspective on expectation and the evolution of discovery. To be honest it is a relief. Imagine if I could really let sink in that anything I was trying to learn or shift or discover could be revealed but only if a allowed (and welcomed with willingness and gratitude) a twelvemonth time frame? What might I explore? What new adventure could I expect with Holy Spirit if I automatically let time stretch into another twelvemonth, or two or three? I feel the luxury of time in this moment rather than the ticking time bomb, timer buzz on my phone of “Hurry, hurry, HURRY!”
Wow. As it turned out, that binge-watching 6 episodes of “The Killing” (I know the title is excruciating) did bring me to joy, it just took a little longer than I anticipated. What if you knew, in your bones and cells and down to your toes: Joy takes a little longer. Would you hang out to notice or give up early and go home to despair or self judgment or complaint?
Give Joy A Chance! What’s another Twelvemonth to God? Eternity wears many guises. Time, is just one of them.
Congratulations, Eva, for completing this part of your journey and for sharing so much of it with the world. I admire and appreciate you! Love and hugs, Dana
Thank you Dana! I will continue to share my journey and am so glad YOU are part of my heart’s delight. xoxox