12. Day 26: Raw [Spiritual] Food

I have been practicing extending love to my epic fears and writing about my experiences for nearly one year in A Twelvemonth of Self Love (twelve months & 362 posts) and still I must choose love as my operating system instead of fear.  I must actually, consciously choose love.  Why isn’t it completely automatic?  Why do fears still arise?  Fear must be a wake up call, a rubber band around my wrist I flick to remind me to love and a deeply embedded melody I need to follow no matter what. Love is what I need to live, breath, continue and thrive.  When I try to contemplate anything without Love as my copilot my brain hurts, my heart races and I feel the very fabric of the world closing over my mouth.  I don’t know if this means that I have gotten somewhere on my journey or not.  Maybe getting somewhere wasn’t even the point.  I know that Love is real.  I know that fear blocks my awareness of that reality and I know I am still here apparently choosing.

The feeling I am feeling now is the one I am most afraid of; the feeling of “maybe it wasn’t worthwhile”.  I almost don’t want to extend love to this feeling because it feels so true.  No. NO!  This just is NOT true.  It has been worthwhile; extending love to my epic fears and writing daily about it.  If for no other reason than to have left my own self a trail of bread crumbs to find my way home to my Self, where I have always been.

I know what sells is solution, transformation, inspiration and perspiration. (Actually what really sells is controversy, sex, caffeine and drama.  Note to self:  perhaps we should include more of these next time.) I think as my project is coming to an end I can only say without hesitation:

Go Within.

Choosing love is like eating your spiritual veggies: it’s GOOD for you.

Listen.

Trust.

Follow what you hear.

Listen again.

Trust some more.

Laugh.

Rest.

Try again tomorrow.

All is well. (even when it isn’t)

We are not alone. (we are All-One)

The Presence of Love is always our truth, our best option, the quickest way to joy, peace and blessed relief.

All I know is that when I feel fear (or some other quality of fear like discouragement, loneliness, anger or pointlessness) when I connect in my heart to the Voice of Love, aka the Holy Spirit/the Universe/God I am reborn into openness, welcome, release and light.  And then, and only then, do I feel it is ALL WORTH my WHILE.