Here’s the thing, there is nothing wrong with success and there is nothing wrong with me. But when you put the two together I fall apart. I get so off beat and try too hard and forget to listen to my heart because I am reading my to do list or the 30 things I want to do/30 things I want to have/30 things I want to be list. It is like studying a textbook about walking every time I want to take a walk. I must have to come to success in my own way. Sure, I can use advice, idea’s and disciplines from someone who has already done this but I have to go within first to see how I feel. And that is what I toss overboard when I “try to succeed”. Sigh…………………..
Why do I keep overthinking this whole success thing? How can I let it unfold and speak to me in a way I can listen and that it makes sense? This is like what happened yesterday when I was having a conversation about the proportion of water to sugar we needed for the hummingbird feeder. My daughter and I went round and round about how to do 3:1 in thirds instead quarters. I was not making sense and it ended up being the same conversation I have when someone asks “Is that on your left or mine?” and I ask “Are we looking in a mirror?” Ugh. I wear myself out sometimes.
Holy Spirit, could you mosey on over here and tell me what I need to know right now. What quality of love could I extend to this fear (& annoyance, boredom, chagrin etc) I feel about success?
I can have fun with my heart’s desire!
HS: Dearest One,
Be still a moment and go home. Home is where you are and want to be. It is only your thoughts that prevent you from seeing this. You shy from the pursuit of this element of life called success because you think it is you that must do the work or reorganizing the molecules of energy in order to form new colors and forms of creation. Rest easy dear one. I do these things for you. You need but ask and listen for and continuously follow your heart’s desire. That is all. Allow your heart’s desire to bloom fully. Smell the fragrance of your heart’s desire, feel the texture. Taste the ease and flory of it. Let me work out the details by giving your a series of smaller desires that lead you inevitably as water running downhill to the bigger desire.
You can, indeed, trust your heart’s desire. Even the tiniest desires that lead you to the big desire. They are one in the same desire. What is it you desire most in your heart?
Me: To know and feel and experience love and all the qualities of love in all things. In my days and months and years. In my heart and soul and body. In my family and friends and work. This is my desire and I am so afraid that if I move towards a specific form like publishing books or sharing this love on a bigger scale I will, again, lose track of who I am and what my heart is saying.
HS: So you are afraid of forgetting again that you are love.
Me: Exactly.
HS: Won’t I always be here to remind you?
Me: Um, I guess so. Yes, of course.
HS: So. Is there really anything to worry about in the success story you are writing for yourself?
Me: No. I guess there really isn’t anything to worry about.
HS: Now, you have returned to peace. What do you want to do next.
Me: I would really love to find three new avenues for my writing that would be fun, helpful to myself and others and give me a wider audience that would be deeply interested in what I am sharing.
HS: It shall be done.
Me: Whoa. Thank you (please help me notice when it is happening lest I forget to notice.)
