10. Day 31: A Beautiful Fear

The biggest shift I have had in this month of extending love to the fear of fear itself is finding that I m no longer afraid of fear.  This does not mean that I don’t ever feel a feeling of fear (or annoyance, doubt or guilt) but that I can recognize the feel, taste and texture so much more quickly and can acknowledge it for what it is.  Namely, a call to pause, ASK for guidance, help, perspective and extend love to all I am feeling or the circumstance in front of me.  In lessening my fear of fear, fear is exposed as just another energy, emotion, tightening of some kind or specific, very necessary guidance to “Stop!”, not a comment on my worth, capability or willingness.

I didn’t realize until I read one of those wonderful self-help articles in a recent O Magazine on personality types that complete fearlessness was what I was hoping for.  The author noted that fears will always arise, it is, as always, what you do with the fears that make the difference to your experience.  She said “I don’t want to live in a world without fear, it would be either boring or very unsafe.”  In this sentence the true value (yes value!) of fear shone.  Fear really is a call to love.  Not as in “I feel fear, please love me” (though that can be helpful in the moment) it is a call to extend love to this moment and the beautiful fear that has suddenly arisen in your awareness.

A fear, like the architecture of a cathedral, encourages you to look up.

The funny thing about fear is that you feel it before you see it.  You feel your heart race, your stomach lurch, your brain goes fuzzy in confusion and you feel paralyzed and vulnerable all at the same time.  This IS the CALL FOR LOVE.  It is an ancient alarm clock we set for ourselves to be alert.  Be alert to the Love that is already present within you.  The love that is called for can be in any form; moving out of the way (to avoid a collision), asking for directions/help (ask God or the guy on the corner with a briefcase who looks like he lives and works here), a brief going within and listening to your breath, a noticing that you suddenly started feeling this fear thing the moment you were asked to chair the committee.  It is not that fight or flight is bad, sometimes a swift punch or getting out of Dodge is exactly what is called for but the other option, that fits our modern society is much more likely to be BE STILL A MOMENT, go within, ASK to see and love what is right in front of you (or in the forefront of your mind).  Choose a quality of love (ASK “What quality or form of love is needed here?”) and extend it to the thought, the event, the circumstance or the person who seems to be the cause of your disquiet.  Remember YOU are the one feeling the disquiet so YOU are the one who gets to choose:  continue feeling frightened, guilty, angry etc. or extend love to said fear, guilt or anger.  Either way, you are choosing your experience.

In looking closely at my fears and now, at the end of the month of extending love to my fear of fear itself  I see I am declaring to myself, over and over again, I desire to feel peace, joy and strength above all things.  Even if I have to make friends with fear to do it.