10. Day 12: Let Debt Inspire

This morning I woke up with fear itself sitting on my chest, whispering in my ear “It’s time to pay the Piper“.  I listened for awhile, hanging my head in agreement, thinking this amounted to extending love and being with but I still felt hounded, a little breathless and a tad guilty.  I mean I did just declare by my very actions that it is AOK to take off on a trip for seven weeks to do business certainly but there was a lot of eating, drinking and making merry.  I should pay for this, right?  I certainly should pay my credit card debt and I should redouble my daily walking efforts (I didn’t actually gain weight while we were away thanks to huge amount of walking but did not say no to one mince pie or glass of mulled wine so some readjustment of intake and expenditure of calories wouldn’t go astray).  I should even carry my guilt around for all to see that they know that I know I had my fun, made my bed and now it is mine to tidy up at this end.  I feel a little like I owe myself an explanation.  Could this be what the Israelites felt after being led (by a burning bush no less) into the desert when haranguing God?  “Did you lead us here to kill us??!”

“What now?” says the bud.

Since God has given me the gift of expression via the page I will extend love both to my thoughts and myself in this way by reminding myself we were, indeed, led to go on this extended trip.  The way was made smooth in so many ways that if not exactly a burning bush there was definitely a sign that said “It is OK” and we followed it.  Again and again and again. So now let’s talk about this Piper who is wanting to be paid.  Why should I feel guilty if the Piper wants to send me an invoice.  Do I not have the resources to create payment?  Did I spend with no thought for tomorrow?  (Well, maybe I didn’t think of ton about tomorrow because we really practiced living most deliciously in the moment we were in.)  Why can’t I continue to live deliciously in the present right here with this very insistent Piper?  The answer is, of course, I can!  You will love the simple yet profound message Holy Spirit gave me this morning in the bath:

Let Debt Inspire.

I can always tell when my Holy Spirit has spoken because I am struck dumb and a puddle of space opens up around my heart and I feel instantly released from a tightness I wasn’t even aware of.  “Let debt inspire” didn’t seem even a little bit like an admonishment for careless spending or even a reminder that everything in life had to be paid for.  It was truly a door opening that I hadn’t even noticed was there.  At once I could see into a garden on the other side of the wall I had come smack up against and am curious, a little bit delighted and filled with wonder.  I have always had a love/hate relationship with debt:  I love creating it and hate paying it.

How can I extend love to debt today?

Now I get to lovingly include “hating to pay” thoughts in my extending love practice. This is not just about debt of course but really about how to integrate work/money/survival with joy/peace/love.  I am looking forward to experiencing this joyful integration day by day.

Just for today, why don’t you notice your own debt.  Maybe it is a blistering student loan, your fourth credit card or the fact you borrowed your neighbor’s ladder last year and never returned it.  Sit quietly with the debt for a few moments.  You can say “Thank you” or “I see you” or “I am here now”.  Trust that this, too, has purpose, path and peace.  Allow the debt you are experiencing to inspire you.  I will continue to share how my own debt inspires me.  For now, let us trust that inspiration is indeed right here ready to speak.