10. Day 10: Fear Is A Stoplight

I woke up today with a feeling of shadow passing over me.  I didn’t feel grey exactly but there was definitely a presence of gray with a soupçon of lurking.  Since I actually feel rested, happy and satisfied I could notice this “feeling presence” without alarm.  I got up and decided to have a cup of tea with this gray feeling presence and see what happened.  First I lit a candle, put the kettle on and generally got comfortable.  The gray seemed less ominous already but still present, just out of sight.  Then these words floated into my awareness:  Fear is a stoplight.

Oh.  Now, with the gray presence there was also a warm glow.  Fear is a stoplight.  Not a brick wall or the Mojave Desert or even a black velvet set of blinders.  Fear is just a stoplight.  What is the most common reaction to a stoplight (unless you are fleeing from the scene of a crime or have a woman about to deliver a baby in the back of your taxi)?  Stopping is the most common reaction to a stoplight.  And a good thing too.  Think of the traffic pouring in from all sides to a single point in space with no apparent thought to all the other cars.  Now imagine these cars were your thoughts.  Thoughts zooming, careening, meandering, all attempting to flow through you.  Wouldn’t a stoplight be kind of helpful?  Even vital to establishing order, flow and ultimately peace?

Look what is behind the gray presence.

When I saw this gray presence as a stoplight I had a sudden feeling of gratitude.  Oh thank you, I needed a moment to sit quietly.  Sigh.  Breathe.  Breathe again.  What is is I need right now? What do I need to do right now?  What do I need to see right now?  I need to see that I have all the time I need.  I have everything I need actually.  I don’t have to decide how I will get done all that seems to need to be done.  The story of what needs to be done is also waiting at the stoplight.  Even though we are stopped, flow is happening because order is being established.  It is enough for me to remember right now, that order IS a quality of Love and Love will always led me home, with a long string of stoplights if necessary.