2. Day 2: “21 Fear Salute”

When I  asked depression what do you feel like these are the fears that poured forth.  Depression is quite dense, thick and airless.  It is heavy, full and empty at the same time, and nebulous.  The list of fears below is what came to me in the middle of the night and I wrote them down on my phone so I didn’t have to disturb my husband and the dogs out in the part of the house where my notebook was.

21 Fears of Depression 

1. Closed thought system
2. Closed questions
   

   Sneaking up on Depression

3. Unwillingness
4. Fear of the bigger picture
5. Fear of Vastness
6. Fear of Truth
7. Fear of asking for help
8. Fear of not being heard
9. Fear of listening
10. Fear of the heart; there is nothing there
11. Fear of life; what’s the point?
12. Fear of the way out; it’s too difficult
13. Fear of being exposed
14. Fear of change
15. Fear of being left behind
16. Fear of being wrong
17. Fear of not being understood; & there’s no point explaining myself
18. I don’t know what I really want
19. Action is pointless unless I understand where it is leading; safety is essential
20. I don’t want to know who I am because I know I won’t like what I see
21. A very low opinion of everything & everyone (including self)

As the month unfolds I hope to extend love and tenderness to these fears in whatever ways my heart desires.

I feel like telling these fears:  “Fear not.  You are Home now, no harm can befall you.  Come let me soothe your worried brow.  All is well my precious ones.”