I am in a pickle. Or rather I feel like a pickle (tart, juicy, but with pursed lips). This is the month I have chosen to extend love (and light and noticing) to my Feeling(s). For the past few years I have been experiencing (and writing about) God/God’s Love/the Universe in everything. I am inspired by the smallest camellia petal piled on the ground like so much fuchsia snow to the unexpected delight in our new shiny black garbage bin just delivered by the County. Why then, am I having no feelings for the art which is the subject of my poetry class at the Crocker? What is blocking my awareness here? It is no doubt my frustration with myself. I mean, I am a docent, I love art, this is my turf. Art and poetry together in one room should be my definition of heaven. And yet, I have lost the key, or feel like I am standing on the outside looking in, or worse I might discover (now that I must read my poetry aloud) that what I have to say doesn’t matter to anyone but me. Yikes! Talk about a block to the awareness of Love’s Presence! Holy Spirit, I think it is about time you came to the party, but quick. (thank you……)
Me: So. Why am I feeling blocked? Mute? Disinterested? What gives? Help me free this corner of my soul to its highest purpose. Thank you always for clarity, purpose and the fresh joy of our Voice.
Chill baby, feelings are friends.
HS: Precious One,
Your soul is always serving its highest purpose at any given time. Allow yourself to notice the purpose that silence could be serving right now. You are worried, perplexed and doubting your capability of sharing our Voice in this new way. It is like any other opportunity to extend love. Ask for the quality need in this moment. See what is in front of you with an open heart. Feel the feelings of the artist, the subject, the observers of the painting. This is no different than extending love to your thoughts.
First you must notice what your thoughts are.
Do you enjoy these paintings?
If not, is that ok with you?
What feelings are trying to be heard that you do not yet have the ears to hear?
What feelings are being born in you that you cannot allow yourself to feel?
This nothingness you claim to feel, is, itself a feeling. An emptiness, and openness, a pregnant pause which allows breath and stillness to speak.
Dear one, do not forget to extend awareness to the doubting you feel. The doubting of the purpose of this ekphrastic∗ work; the doubting of your capability in this new arena, the doubting of your desire to polish the voice you have been nurturing and trusting.
I am with you in all things. Fear not.
Let us proceed.
∗(note: Ephrasis is the art form of writing poetry inspired by particular works of art)
